Archive | March, 2012

Self-limiting thoughts

21 Mar
Opus 601

Opus 601

What’s a self-limiting thought?

Why do some people tell themselves that they can’t do something, even when they haven’t tried? Lack of self-confidence? Habit picked up in childhood? Self-preservation technique to stop them failing at anything?

A friend on Facebook said this morning that she couldn’t knit because she was unteachable. Lots of people who see me knitting tell me that they couldn’t do it. They give various reasons: “I haven’t the patience”, “I haven’t got time”, “I’m not creative enough”. But no-one has said to me “I tried that and didn’t enjoy it so I stopped”, which is probably closer to the truth. Knitting, like home birth and washable nappies, isn’t for everyone so why do people feel they have to give an excuse why they don’t do it?

While we’re on the subject of society’s view of knitting, I need to mention my MIL and GMIL. The former doesn’t knit or crochet. I taught her to crochet once but she didn’t enjoy it so we both called it a day and moved on. I mentioned her in a recent post because she doesn’t understand why I have several projects on the go at once rather than just getting on and finishing one. She is a gardener so I would have expected her to understand the concept of a work in progress.

And then there’s GMIL who is amazed when I turn up after a long car journey and get my knitting out. She expects me to “sit and relax” but she doesn’t understand that this is how I relax. Sitting doing nothing would not be relaxing. I would just be thinking of all the things I’m not doing at the moment. She knits for charity projects and seems to do it as a good work rather than for fun.

We all do it

So, getting back to self-limiting beliefs, this is a national problem, I think. Children say “I’m no good at this” and that slowly becomes the truth because they don’t do it any more. I think that allowing this attitude to go unchallenged allows a cycle to continue. It starts with a child not answering the questions of a strange adult and the mum says “She’s a bit shy”. The next time it happens and mum says the same thing, the child starts to understand the word and links it with that uncomfortable feeling. Then, she slowly starts to say it herself: “I’m a bit shy” and when she has explained that, people make allowances for her and don’t expect her to talk in front of others. Then, when she grows up she is one of the thousands of people in this country who are more afraid of public speaking than they are of dying. Her life is lived in fear of meeting people, she hates social situations, so has few friends, and nothing anyone says can change her now.

And then there’s physical confidence. When children play at the park or walk along walls and mum says: “Careful, you’re going to fall”, the child believes her. He is going to fall. So, his body goes through the motions and he waits to fall. Instead of believing in his body’s ability to beat this obstacle, he waits to fail. And then when he does, this proves his mum right so next time she says it, it will have an even more powerful effect. Soon she doesn’t need to say it, because he says it in his head: “I’m going to fall”. When he sees the big slide, he stays off it because he doesn’t want to fall off something so high. And when his grows up he will also have a life half-lived, with no confidence in himself to tackle obstacles, but a solid belief that he will fail.

So what can we do about it?

I’m no expert but it seems to be that looking at our own self-limiting beliefs is a good place to start.

Happy knitting 🙂

Monogamy

16 Mar
Mel's freeform crochet

Mel's freeform crochet

Once I had a first love . . .

When I knat as a teenager, I had one project on the go at a time. It was usually a jumper (sweater) and I worked on it until it was finished. This seemed the natural thing to do and I never realised that there was another way.

When I came back to knitting after a 20-year gap, things were very different. I simply couldn’t entertain the idea of project monogamy now. Looking at my Ravelry project will show that I have 5 wips (works in progress) at the moment. (On Ravelry, I am funkyforty – find me and make me a friend :))

. . . then a shawl . . .

The longest running is a lace shawl that I started in July last year. It escaped the end-of-year cull because I did a few rows on it and decided to continue, but haven’t touched it since. It’s easy enough to do, but I’m not sure I will have enough yarn to make it long enough, which is denting my enthusiasm. So, I always find something I’d rather do. My heart says that I will go back to this and finish it, but it won’t escape another cull so if it isn’t finished this year, it will be frogged and stashed.

. . . and hexipuffs . . .

Next oldest is the hexipuff project. It’s a collection of cute little stuffed heaxagons that you make into a quilt or something similar. I have that in my handbag and it’s what I do when I’m sitting in the doctor’s waiting room or turned up early for something. That will go on until I have enough to make a quilt, which will not be this year.

. . . and freeform crochet . . .

Then there’s my freeform crochet project. I bought a skein of wierd and wonderful yarn at the Knitting and Stitching Show in Harrogate in November and then picked out some of the colours in other yarns. And when I feel like it, I crochet what I fancy in any shape and size. When I have enough, I will put them together, fill in the gaps with crochet then crochet them together into cushion covers for the front room.

. . . and two jumpers . . .

Then this year’s new projects are two jumpers for me – going back to my teenage passions. I loved making aran jumpers – cream sweaters with complicated cable patterns, favoured by fishermen! I even designed my own pattern once, but can’t remember if I finished knitting it. So, I have one of those and one lacy jumper in a drapey blue yarn and I am making good progress on them both.

. . . and here’s why

So, why do I have so many projects at once? Well, I have to be in the right mood to do the freeform crochet: I need to feel creative and imaginative and ideally come to it with a new idea. I have to concentrate a bit on the aran as the pattern is on several different sheets and I have to refer to it all the time. The blue is easy because I know the pattern now so I can do that when I’m teaching. And the lace will have its day eventually. Sometimes I want a challenge – something to get my mental teeth into. Sometimes I want something I can do while people-watching and not make a mistake. Sometimes I want something that will occupy enough of my mind to free me to think clearly. And sometimes I just want to start something new because that’s the mood I’m in.

And because it’s my hobby, I do what I want to and won’t allow myself to make it into a job. No ‘if I make  myself do 4 rows a day then the lace will be finished by ….’ because that’s the way I do my work and this is not my work. My MIL doesn’t understand – she says “how do you ever get anything finished?” Well, I do, and even if I didn’t, it doesn’t matter because I am happy 🙂

So, how many projects do you have going? Knitting, crochet, sewing, embroidery, papercraft, spinning, whatever your craft is, tell us about your monogamy, or lack of.

Happy knitting 🙂

Interruption #5, by Linda

4 Mar
Portrait of Fanny Gail by Heinrich Maria von Hess (1820-21)

Portrait of Fanny Gail by Heinrich Maria von Hess (1820-21)

Knitting . . .

Yup another painting; OK, two paintings. Sorry but some people have asked for more of the same, so as that’s the only feedback I’ve had, you’re stuck with it my dear friends until you ask for something different.  

. . . from start to . . .

This, as you see, is a painting by the Bavarian Heinrich Maria von Hess of Fanny Gail nearly 200 years ago; she’s aged around 13 years and probably at puberty. By holding her knitting correctly she’s showing us that she has a domestic skill.  The spring flowers, fresh sky and little else in the background demonstrate her brief and innocent history.  It could be an advertisement for a marriageable daughter, couldn’t it.  

But every mother looking at this picture knows what she’s seeing in those big, follow-you-round-the-room sad and serious eyes.  There’s an intelligence and a sad knowingness there; Fanny would be wasted on childbearing and household management alone.  And what future can you predict from that concentrated gaze, those competent hands, that stillness?  And what of now, with the unpredictability of that teenage expression: the awkward nose, the mouth about to speak?  

If she speaks to us she will be abrupt, serious, perceptive; but if she is with her friends she will smile and her face will light up. I think that’s where the beauty of this image lies: in the dichotomy between the sweet grace of the composition and the piquant emotions of the sitter. Right now, knitting is no priority for her.

. . . finish

As you can see, the second painting below shows the other end of it: knitting in old age; this time in Russia nearly two decades later. Just look at that bone structure: she was clearly a beauty once, and the artist lights up her best features in a loving glow that could almost be emanating from her knitting.  Here is that spiritual redemption from concentration on skilled work again (see Interruption #3).  This old woman manipulates her knitting, whereas the young woman manipulated us . . . or is the old woman teasing us mischievously by being painted knitting a top-down stocking-top?  

So who is happier?  Who’s got the best deal?  You decide.

Old Woman Knitting (Russian, 1838)

Old Woman Knitting (Russian, 1838)

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